No Denying
by wonderrss
Summary: "He wishes with all his might and to all gods that one day, just one day he'll be able to feel those feelings toward her too." / In which Austin refuses to believe that love is love, and no one can control that, not even himself. / Deztin.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello. This is a two-shot most likely. It involves serious-ish type stuff. This isn't primarily a 'Deztin' fic but it is very much a big part so I guess you can say so. **

**Austin likes the D in this basically. The summary explains blah blah blah. **

***DISCLAIMER* nope don't own Austin & Ally nor is Austin actually gay...same goes for Dez!**

**Enjoy!**

**xXx**

**Girls. **

Girl skin. Girl parts. Girl bodies. Girl everything.

**Boys. **

Boy skin. Boy parts. Boy bodies.

Boy everything.

**xXx**

Austin wouldn't call himself a smart person. He's done a lot of stupid things during his years, and his stupidity doesn't tend to stop.

But he would call himself a yearner of a sort. He yearns to learn new things and soak up all the exhilarating experiences that one possibly can.

He loves freedom and is fond of watching sunsets while having sand and salty sea air in his hair. He yearns to be free.

But he oh so passionately yearns for one thing only.

To be happy.

Austin is also a very curious one. Considering how many times a day/week/month/year that he asks himself _that_ question.

_'Am I happy?'_

He didn't like that question. In fact, the question drives him so blindingly insane that he pounds his head against a wall and pours himself another shot of tequila to forget.

Maybe Austin isn't happy.

**xXx**

It was a Sunday.

A Sunday where he spent his sunset at the beach. His happy place. But here, out of all places, he asked himself that question.

_Was he happy? _

He was happy, of course, he was in one of his happiest places.

However, with the cool sand in between his toes, and the soothing sounds of the rising tide, he felt an emptiness. Peculiar.

He pushes it aside and holds on tighter to the sweaty hand that is intertwined with his.

Girl skin.

**xXx**

She tells him how she feels. She expresses every emotion and every sensation that he ignites in her body toward him.

It was late at night and he was lying in bed with said sensational girl.

Girl body next to boy body.

Perfect detail was a killer for Austin. She grabbed his hands and poured her heart out to him. Lying his hand on her stomach, she'd say, _'this_'.

That '_this_' was what he does. It was the things he does that brings her, and he quotes, _'a feeling as if as if I am bathing in the warmth of the sun, surrounded by all of my pleasures with the one and only, you_'.

He covers his frown. He covers the tears that threaten to leak from his doe eyes, and _wishes_.

He _wishes_ with all his might and to all gods that one day, just _one day _he'll be able to feel those feelings toward her too.

**xXx**

He loves her.

He tells her he loves her when they're outside, sitting on his balcony watching the sunset. It was quite an odd night because both had agreed not to go to the beach.

She turns to him, so so happy. Her eyes were glassy and wide, and her smile shined brighter than the sinking sun.

_If she's happy, I'm happy_, he'd tell himself.

But is he truly happy when she is naked in front of him, clawing at his clothes and sucking at his neck?

Girl skin to boy skin.

He's touching girl body. He's touching girl parts.

Something feels like it's missing. Peculiar.

**xXx**

Poor vulnerable Austin.

When girl body wasn't near, he'd stare at his reflection. _Scream_.

'_You're weak_', he'd yell at himself.

_'You are fucked in the head!'_

_'You're all WRONG!'_

He was _disgusting_. His mother would burn all of his childhood action figures, shove them up his ass, and proceed to bath him in holy water with a priest watching over if she knew the _gross_, and _disgusting_ thoughts that bounced around his mind.

He was _weak_. He lacked on his self control. He can't make the thoughts stop. He yearns to fix it. However, he also yearns to be happy.

So, from then on, he decides that he's going to be happy no matter how fucked in the head he really was.

**xXx**

It smells like cigarettes and sweat and he's surrounded by creepy men, but he's _happy _here.

This is what he yearns for.

Boy skin. Boy bodies. Boy parts. Boy _everything_.

**xXx**

He was 6.

Young, dumb, and incredibly energetic.

His mother would take him to his favorite park every day at 3, once he got out of preschool.

It was part of his everyday routine. Go to park, play on the playground, let mommy push him on the swings, and observe all the people who crowded around the little lake, picnicking.

On special days, mom would pack a lunch and a blanket. They'd sit beside the water and feed bread to the birds. Sometimes even with Luna.

Luna was his park buddy that he had grown so accustomed to. Although, he didn't know much about Luna, mom did.

She'd talk to her daddy as Austin and Luna played away, exploring the wonders and imagination that a five-year-old brain could contain.

Austin wondered why Luna didn't have a mommy. But then again, Austin wonders himself why he doesn't have a daddy.

But today was the day he'd find out. Well, at least about Luna. He sat next to the little bird he named Alex, with Luna, feeding him nibbles of bread.

Mommy was talking to Luna's daddy again.

Austin was observing his mom lost in conversation, when he saw another man come into his view.

The man walked up to Luna's daddy and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Austin was turned away to see his mother's face of disgust once the other man appeared with Luna's daddy.

He heard mommy say something he wasn't quite sure of. He remembered it to be a no-no word. Although, he was never allowed to say those.

Suddenly his mother came rushing toward him picking him up and scooping the blanket along with him.

He was scared. He didn't know why mommy was doing this. All he wanted to go back to Luna, but was strapped into his car seat before he knew it.

"Austin, dear," Mimi spoke softly and made eye contact with her son through her rear view mirror, "when you get older, you're going to grow up to be a strong handsome boy and you're going to find yourself a pretty lady."

"Really?" Mimi nodded in response.

"A princess, mommy?"

"Yes, Austin, a pretty princess, no other. No prince, king, nor knight."

Austin toyed with his batman action figure in his hands. "Princess..." He sighed contently.

**xXx**

His happy place is changing.

He's happy in the allies behind the bars, where he gets to spread his ass to all the boy parts he wants. He realizes he is happy there because he's _free_. Of the hate. Of the girl parts. Of the world.

**xXx**

He'd come home to a terrified fragile girl, almost every night.

'Where were you?!'

Girl would scream. Girl can't know. That's bad for girl mind.

Lies, lies, lies, it was all _lies_. He'd feed her bullshit and lame ass excuses, but he cared. He cared for her well being and he cared for her happiness.

In forgiveness and to dissolve her suspicions, he pleasures girl. She feels those sensations that she tells him about oh-so often.

But he doesn't. He feels nothing.

He now wishes for her happiness, but not her happiness with _him_.

**xXx**

He's a guy.

He's just one of the guys.

Redhead makes him feel that way.

One moment they're sitting on the couch playing Xbox, the next, they're still on said couch but both would be _moaning_ and _groaning_ with need of a hard dick up their ass.

Austin was a 'bro' a 'man' a 'dude', never 'boyfriend', never 'client'.

(Or never side ho)

Maybe he can be more than client someday.

(Redhead's main ho)

**xXx**

He's starting to look in the mirror and feel good.

"Acceptance, bro, is the key to life." Redhead always had great advice to give him.

"You need to learn to accept yourself in order to give."

Whatever Dez meant by that (that's right, they were on _real_ first name basis now), Austin locked it up and kept it hidden forever. Once in a while he'd think of it, and in those whiles he would feel better about himself.

**xXx**

Dez was accepting of Austin's situation. He was once in the same. He tells Austin he needs to tell her. The girl.

On the outside, Austin waves his hand and acts like it doesn't affect him at all, but on the inside he is _sad, sad, sad, _silently crying because of all the damage he has done on this poor, innocent, kind-hearted girl.

Crying because of what he is, he can't make her happy.

The day he really comes to terms is the day Dez tells him he would stop fucking him until he told her. Honestly, he didn't really decide he has to do it because of Dez, it was more of a nudge of motivation.

But the day came unexpectedly.

They'd planned on a Friday, Austin would drop the bomb on her poor soul, flowers, hugs, and explanations would all be shared.

But Austin's plan never even fell through.

It was a Tuesday. The sky was cloudy and the vision of the murky, watery sky was clear through their penthouse apartment.

He'd been sitting in their seating area, coffee in hand, staring. Staring at the nothing that was the crying sky.

Suddenly he is taken back from his crying sky daze, because _she_ had planted herself on his lap, firmly.

He clutched his coffee cup in his hand, _hard._

She bestowed light feathered kisses onto his neck, hands roaming on his body freely.

Something was missing, but this time he knew.

He knew he was missing the light stubble that was usually being scraped against his neck, while he was being pleasured so hotly that it should be a sin.

Well, It _is_ a sin, according to his mother.

He set his coffee on the side table beside him. He braced his hands on girl's chest, nudging her lightly.

"What's wrong, babe?" Her voice was hushed.

"A-Ally I'm sorry I'm just really not feeling it righ-"

She sprung up from his lap abruptly, "BULLSHIT AUSTIN!" She screamed in frustration.

He stood up facing her, "No, Ally, calm down."

"Calm down," she threw her hands up in defeat already looking like she was about to cry, "Austin you've been feeding me shit excuses for the past month, so tell me everything _right now_, what _the fuck_ is going on with you."

Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was trying to steady her breathing.

Austin hung his head low, scared, _terrified_ even. He did not want this to happen, nor did he ever intend on it happening.

"Where do I start..." He trailed off.

Scoffing, she spoke sternly, "is that a question Austin?! Because I'm pretty damn sure I haven't been the one who was leaving the house every damn night."

"Alright," he sighed.

"I just want you to know," he continued, "that I love you and care for you so much, and after I tell you this I do expect for you to hate me, so much Ally, you don't even know. But what I know is that I never want to lose you, because you are one of the most amazing human beings on this planet."

She was already crying, subtly looking away and wiping her tears, trying to hide her sadness.

"Go on." She flatly stated.

"When I first met you, I was a sucker for love. I wanted everything between sappy cliché kisses in the rain, and hot sex on stormy nights, but something, every single damn time one of those moments happened, felt like it was missing. I felt like I was missing just _something_. As I got older, I ignored the thoughts and every single damn day of my existence I asked myself the same question," he was full on fucking crying now, "Am I happy? I would ask my self that question over and over ally, and I would lie to my own face and push it away. The truth is Ally, I–I–," he lets out a choked sob because he knows this is the first time he has said it out loud, "I wasn't happy."

He paused to wipe his sore eyes and take a breath. She stared at him intently, terrified of his reasoning, unsure if comforting him was the best idea.

"I realized it wasn't you Ally. It was all my own fucked up mind," He took her hands, "Ally you have one of the best personalities I've ever had the pleasure to accustom myself to, and making you smile and seeing your gorgeous face was amazing. It's not what is inside of you, it's– it's the outside."

Ally let out a choked sob, "A–Austin don't you dare."

"I have to Ally! I'm _sososo_ fucking sorry for everything I have done to you. Im a piece of complete shit for leading you on this long…"

She placed both of her hands on her face to cover both her nose and mouth in an attempt to muffle her sobs.

He froze unable to say the two words they both dreaded most. They stood there in silence, their red stained eyes never unlocking.

He took a shaky breath and watched her clutch hands harder onto her face and shake her head from side to side slowly, unbelievingly.

He took a deep breath and averted his gaze from her, focusing his attention to the floor, "…I'm gay, Ally."

She fucking lost it. She collapsed onto the ground in a heap, landing with a loud thud, mixing in with her sobs.

Austin was scared to touch her, but both of their heaving sobbing bodies, accumulated in the air like a concert of complete udder brokenness.

She lifted her hair to face him, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

He immediately sat beside her rubbing her back soothingly. "Ally," he cried, "I'm so so sorry."

"Six years Austin," she muttered, "six years you have led me on. I was, and _still am_ in love with a person who feels none of those feelings toward me…"

Her voice was full of disbelief as if this was all a bad bad dream.

Austin felt beyond horrible. He hated himself.

Ally abruptly stood up.

"Get out."

He looked at her red tinted face and puffy eyes, nervously.

"Are you deaf Moon!? Get the fuck out of my house. Go to where ever your ass has been all these nights. All these nights you have left me alone," she sniffed loudly and wiped at her eyes, "worried sick, and crying on the phone to my best friend who lives in a completely different state. So _leave_, it won't be any different than that."

With that, he left, wordlessly, trying to muffle out the noises of her sobs when he shut the door behind him.

He deserved this. He deserved everything she would do to him. Every nasty thing she could say. She could call him a faggot, a queer, anything, and he would accept it. He deserved much, much worse.

**xXx**

**So there you have it. Review? Comments? Complaints of disgust? Please share :)**


	2. Chapter 2: When Life Goes to Shit

**Hey guys! So this is the second chapter to this story and honestly I don't know how many more there will be. I'm thinking around 1-2 more sOoo yeah**

**I hope this is good...enjoy!**

**P.s. - My Twitter is iconicaustins if YA waNNA HOLLER AT ME AIGHT**

***DISCLAIMER* I'm poor how would I own this**

**xXx**

He didn't go to Dez's. He didn't go to the bar. He just sat, feeling guilty and exhausted.

His current bus stop situation was kinda cliché and awkward but he had no where else to go.

Indeed, he found himself sitting, surrounded by the still pouring rain, under a bus stop, because he honestly couldn't face anyone at the moment. Also, partly because he forgot his car keys.

Tears were flowing down his cheeks, almost as freely as the rain that was pouring on the metal roof above him.

However, he _hated_ that he was crying because he knew that he wasn't the one who should be heartbroken. The girl who he had practically torn her heart from her chest should be.

But no matter how selfish he may sound, he felt like a part of him had died. Like he was slightly crushed on the inside. He wasn't sure if she accepted who he was, or how he felt. If she _ever_ will.

Possibly she was just too broken to fully understand the situation. He couldn't blame her for not giving comfort or acknowledgment to what he had said. To what he is.

Austin felt dazed. He couldn't think straight and the patter of the rain sounded as if it was a depressing lullaby slowly drifting him off into a deep sleep.

If only he didn't feel as shitty as the sky surrounding him.

xXx

She didn't call Trish nor did she get out of bed. She just laid.

She felt numb in all areas. Her mind, bones. She felt incapable of moving at all. To think. To cry.

Her eyes ran dry, unable to produce tears. It felt as if two weeks had passed, but in reality it was only a few hours.

Possibly a day?

She wasn't counting, and quite frankly she didn't care.

Her body was afraid to leave her bedridden state. She was scared to call or speak to anyone. Sadness was something she didn't fancy too much.

There was no need to explain her current life issues to anyone and end up bawling her eyes out _again, _most likely for the twenty-seventh time

She was terrified that if she ever dared to get up, her feet would be cut open by the broken shards of her heart that were scattered all around the apartment.

It wasn't just her heart that would wound her. It was every picture, every _thing_ that was cluttered in their (most likely her) apartment. Any _thing_ that would remind her of _him_, would just make the gaping holes in her body bleed out even more.

Even worse, she was still stuck in a fog of disbelief.

She _hated_ him, and never wanted to _think_ about him or _speak_ to him ever again. But at the same time, she _loved_ him. She loved the way he hums when he cooks, she loved the way his hair flops just the right way, and she loves when he hugs her tightly, making her feel like she's unable to breathe.

But she needed to **stop**. She needed to stop loving him. She needed to stop thinking those thoughts about him, because he would _never_ be the man she had always thought he was. Support him, sure she would, but she would never be rid of the romantic feelings.

This hell that she was living in, was reality. Not a dream. And she needed to learn how to face that.

Yet she still wished with all her might that she would wake up and forget.

In fact, every single tear stain that scattered her pillow cases was a wish. A wish to be happy again, _without_ him. Wishes of different possibilities. Because maybe, just _maybe_, if she wasn't so attached to this man named Austin Moon, she wouldn't going through this right now. She'd be living in California or back home in Miami with her nice brunette fiancé, chatting to all of her friends about the new rock that decorated her left ring finger.

She knew for sure that one would remain a wish.

She had been waiting for him to pop the question ever since she had turned nineteen. They were young, sure, but she was so _absolutely positively_ sure that he was _the one. _Her soul mate.

She believed it too. However now, It's hard for her to think that he is what he is, because every time they had ever locked eyes, either from across the room or during intimate moments, he would always look so happy and in love and she was sure she would know that look from anywhere. That look on his face was permanently cemented into her brain.

He could make her feel a spark no matter the distance between them. He could make her heart beat a mile a minute.

And to think that it was all an act. He never truly felt happy with her. He never was happy with her body either. She neglected one thing that he wanted most...

Goddamnit. Her mind wouldn't _stop_.

This is why she didn't want to think about this or see anyone, let alone vent to somebody. _She couldn't think._

Her sore and chapped eyes began to relentlessly flow. Fountain of wishes that would never come true.

Perhaps if she had been better for him, or treated him even more nicely, or let him in when she shut him out, he wouldn't be so interested in the opposite sex.

She was thinking selfish thoughts, but maybe they weren't so bad compared to him pretending to be in love with a girl while he craved the male anatomy.

She was said girl.

All her mind would do was ponder. She created at least a dozen accusations in her head about him. Considering where he had been all those nights, why every time he came back he had looked so flushed and content. It made sense to her now, all of it.

If only she knew who made him feel so content.

Before she had known about his sexuality and the reasoning for his nighttime rendezvous, she would always lie to herself. Perhaps he went to the gym, or for a jog every night. _Yes that must be it_ she had thought.

But how come he never asked her to jog with him?

Why did he never tell her where he was going?

He was always going '_out_'. She had tried to squeeze the torturous thoughts out of her mind. _He's still yours_, she had thought. _Still yours. _She was blinded.

She wanted him so bad that she lied to herself in order to keep him.

And too look where she was now. Unhappy and without him. For good.

Of course she loved him, and she doesn't think she will ever stop loving him. She loves him enough to understand what he is, but not enough to understand why he did what he did. At this moment in time she was too cold and heartbroken to feel the slightest bit of remorse for him.

If only she hadn't said yes to him, when he asked her to go on a date with him when they were younger.

If only, that stupid little asshole would've never serenaded her in the first place.

**xXx**

He woke up cold and soggy underneath of the bus stop.

There was a woman sitting on the opposite side of him, staring at him like he had three heads.

Well he's fucked up enough to break the heart of a fragile girl, so why not give him three heads to complete the whole circle?

Just the cherry on top of his shit excuse of a life.

All he wanted at the moment was to see Dez. He could make him feel better.

However if Austin did go, he would feel even more shitty. It's like he could practically hear Ally yelling at him in her same broken tone, 'O_h really?! You just practically crushed me, and you go hang out with the guy who you let fuck you while you were still with me?! Nice going douchebag.'_

But did he really have anywhere else to go...?

Before he knew it he was knocking on Dez's door and being ushered inside.

_You had no other choice,_ he told himself.

_You want to see him._

Dez greeted him with a worried gaze and wide eyes. "Wa-oOh, what happened to you?"

He ran toward his linen closet to grab a towel while listening to Austin.

Shrugging off his wet hoodie Austin began, "I told her, bro."

Dez carried a towel toward him and fussed Austin's wet hair a bit before draping it across his shoulders gently.

With a sad smile Dez asked, "How'd it go?"

"Not good..." Austin stared at the floor, afraid of revealing his puffy face and guilt-ridden eyes.

Dez moved Austin over to the couch, slinging an arm over his shoulder and slumped down next to him.

"She uh-" Austin's voice broke slightly, "took it really bad."

Dez squeezed Austin's shoulder assuringly, trying to make him feel alright. "She'll come around don't worry. It's very hard to understand and comprehend in a situation like this."

Austin finally looked into Dez's eyes. He began to tear up again. "I'm a piece of shit. I can't believe I did this to her. She'll probably never move on or leave the apartment ever again, I've really fu-"

Dez shushed him with a finger to his lips.

"Austin, you can't worry so much. This is a very tough situation and she'll take quite a bit of time to heal, so will yo-"

Austin nudged Dez's arms off of him and stood up. "No, Dez! You don't understand. I broke her completely! She'll never even want to look at me again! God knows if she even _accepts who I am_!"

Dez shot up quickly to meet his gaze. "That's where you're wrong Austin, I do. Are you forgetting that this happened to me too?Look Austin, you need to understand. It's a shitload of weight that you just dumped on her, now calm down!"

Dez rarely raised his voice, so Austin immidiatley knew he fucked up.

Austin sighed, "Look I'm sorry I just-"

Before AUSTIN could finish his sentence, Dez lunged at him, attacking his lips at a bruising force.

Austin groaned into their kiss almost immediately, raking his nails over Dez's shirted back.

Austin lightly kissed the shell of Dez's ear, "You always know what I need," he growled.

And in that moment when they were both stripping each other madly and eager, Austin was happy. Well...at least when he was with Dez.

Boy kisses, and boy touches were his favorite.

**xXx**

It took Ally exactly two days after the incident to call Trish.

Or like to even go near a phone.

She almost threw it against the wall due to the multiple phone calls and text messages from Austin.

She just needed time. She couldn't think straight since what happened.

She just needed to _rant_ and talk to someone for once after isolating herself for two days, never moving except to use the bathroom.

Trish would really be there to support her. Her mom wouldn't give less than a shit about her current situation, rather than Ally herself. And Lord knows where her dad was at the moment.

Trish cried when she told her. She cried because she felt horrible for Ally, and also because, and Ally quotes, 'damn...why does it always have to be the hot ones'.

But it really did affect her having grown up with Austin and Ally. It is quite the surprise to find out your childhood friend and long, _long_ time boyfriend to your best friend has come out to be gay.

Ally cried right along with her.

**xXx**

He tried to call her, text her. Nothing. He didn't expect anything back. He didn't blame her.

He felt icky, like his whole current life situation life was an actual teenage novel paged ripped right from the book.

All he wants is to be happy and he can't be happy when she's not.

_If she's happy, I'm happy._

But she was sad, and that means he was too.

Dez tried to get Austin to go right over to her and talk to her. However, Austin argued back strongly. He was scared. He was scared of how she would react if she saw him. He was scared if she would say anything mean to him.

Mean, concerning what he had told her. He had told her the hardest thing for him ever to speak aloud, and all he wanted was that clarification of her accepting him.

All he wanted was to be accepted.

All he wanted was for the both of them to be happy.

**xXx**

She forced herself to leave the apartment. She felt caged in some torturous dungeon, constantly being reminded of her dark past and her vicious enemies.

The past and those enemies being everything that smelled like Austin, every picture, and every pair of his high-tops.

(Even the wallet chains that he neatly displayed on their key holder)

(And every bottle of syrup in their cabinets)

She put on the biggest pair of rain-boots she owned, afraid of the shards of her brokenness stabbing through her flats, and set out into the still gloomy, gray world that currently described her shitty life.

**xXx**

She broke down when she passed Jack's Flaps.

She made a B-line for the apartment.

**xXx**

He left to see her.

He made it half way to their apartment until he spotted an alley (ally) garden.

Lilies.

Her favorite.

He made it back to Dez's in 5 minutes flat, puffy eyed.

**xXx**

**IM SORRY IF THIS WAS SO SHITTY ! But anyways thank you for reading & such! Reviews would be pretty cool :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE THIS IM SO SORRY. but anyways how're you all! I hope this isn't som crazy jumble of words but some big things happen in this chapter and I hope you enjoy! **

**xXx**

It about 9:00 at night and Ally found herself situated on tops of her couch in a heap of blankets.

For weeks she had been lying around watching her usual TV show marathons.

Her feelings had changed over the course of these moments. She wasn't upset anymore. She was _exhausted_.

Occasionally, she had brought herself to leave the house. However that was a must with her job. She would drag herself out of her small apartment door, all the way to her car, and all the way to Miami mall. Seriously though, where the fuck was her dad?

Once in these tragic working whiles, she'd ponder about a someone. A someone who she hadn't spoken to in, well, a _while_.

Her most exciting life events at the moment were that her nose was stuck in a permanent state of red and swollen, and the whole "blood-shot red" eye color was actually starting to suit her in a way. Maybe she was just so used to seeing her depressed reflection that he had grown to like her red eyes.

..._What is wrong with you?! _

If she were to be seen out on the streets she must come off looking like a druggie. It's a shame she's never touched a blunt in her life. College, however, would not be mentioned in this discussion.

Ally felt dull. She averted her gaze to her phone._ 9:07pm_.

It was around that _9:07_ at night when Ally found herself thinking again.

She didn't want to think anymore. After about four weeks of dealing with her currently shitty life, you'd think she could get over it. _Forget_ about it, even. But Ally couldn't do that. That was not like her, to _forget_.

Her face began to feel hot again.

Ally knew it was time for bed.

xXx

It was about 1am and Austin lay awake in Dez's bed. His arms were crossed over his chest and he stared at the ceiling, pondering.

He should be over this by now. He should be happy. He's finally with the man of his dreams. He _finally_ gets to be his true self. This is what he wanted. _This_ is what would make him happy, but something felt like it was missing.

Although, he can't burry that in a cavity of his heart and lock it away forever, because he knows what he's missing, and that's _her_.

He misses their talks. He may have had no sexual interest in her, but he loved her as one of the best friends he could ever ask for. She was half of his heart and so was Dez.

Austin didn't know what to do anymore. He had called and left voicemails numerous times on Ally's cell. He's also sent her favorite flower, lilies, about a dozen times.

Yet his feet were incapable of marching down on over to their old apartment and saying, "Allyimsosorrryididn'tmeantohurtyouiloveyou."

Austin needed to stop thinking. The sound of Dez's light, steady breathing began to lull him into a slight drowsiness anyways.

It was time for bed.

**xXx**

She woke up with a jolt. Well a _bang._

Her head was pounding and her body was aching. She felt like she had been run over by a bus...multiple times.

Apparently so, her head wasn't the only thing pounding.

The door to her apartment was being knocked on repeatedly and _obnoxiously_, may she add.

Ally groaned, stretched her limbs out as far as they could go, and looked at the clock.

_8am_.

Asdfxuwnvb. Who in the right mind would wake her up on one of the days where she actually received a break from work.

_Can't I just sleep a little bit more?!..._

Well, that's a firm 'NO' from her door.

"Coming, coming!" She yelled in a hoarse, over-tired voice.

Who could this even fucking be at 8 in the morning. Probably Ms. Hatfeild, her bitch excuse of a neighbor upstairs. That annoying women would come down and knock either to bring cookies or complain about loud music, TV, etcetera.

Ally neared the door, not even having to bother looking in a mirror.

Was she in a bra?...Oops.

She opened the door a small bit and sighed, peeking her head a smidgen through the crevice. "Ms. Hatfield, I'm sorry, I'll turn it down-"

Wait.

Ms. Hatfeild didn't have black hair...or brightly colored animal print clothing.

Ally swung the door open as far as it could go and leaped out to tackle this stranger. Well actually this person was no stranger.

"TRISH?!" Ally screamed.

Trish giggled wrapping her arms around Ally, "Yeah, yeah. It's me!"

Ally's eyes were wide and her hands were on either side of Trish's shoulders.

"I can't believe you're here! I've missed you so much!"

Trish made her way to the door, "Look Ally trust me, I have too and I can't wait to share stories, but I really, _really_

gotta use the bathroom."

"Oh, um," Ally grabbed a bright pink suitcase and dragged it into her home behind her, "go right ahead!"

Ah, the curses of having a best friend who lives all the way across the continent.

**xXx**

Ally knew as soon as Trish arrived that she would want the upfront scoop of everything...for about the seventh time.

Ally had called her more times than she could count on both her hands, each call she had been in tears.

Without a doubt the water works would begin once again while reciting her practical essay of a story to Trish.

Trish sat on the cushiony couch just staring at Ally, even when Ally was finished, wiping her eyes with her blanket and blowing her nose into another wad of toilet paper.

Trish took a deep breath and Ally flinched, _waiting_.

"Honestly," Trish slung her arm around the couch cushion opposite of her, relaxing, "I think this whole thing is just dumb. Ally you're my bestfriend and it's my job to look out for you, and this is my way of looking out. You or that heart-breaker of a boy, _need to talk_. Obviously, none of you have made moves yet, so I think you should. Be the bigger person. He's most likely still as upset as you are. He may not want to be in any sort of romantic relation with you, but he does still want to be friends, I know that. You guys were always close."

Ally stared at Trish with a blank expression. She's right, Ally knew she was.

Ally wrapped her blanket around her body like some female burrito of sadness. "I probably shouldn't have ignored his calls, then."

"Hey," Trish held her hands out defensively, "I told you that was your move. But you shouldn't feel guilty. You were just upset and he knew that, but since he had the guts to call you I know he wants to fix what has happened between both of you guys just as much as the both of us do. Even if you don't show it."

Ally felt as if she were a child that was put in time out, being lectured by an adult.

**xXx**

For the remainder of the day Ally felt better. She was smiling more than she ever had in the past 2 weeks, and she felt like a weight has been lifted off of her shoulder. However, she knew that feeling was only temporary.

Ally stirred her half-liquified frozen yogurt and stared at the sinking sun in the distance until her eyes started to burn.

"Do you think I should be the one to say something first."

Trish took a bite of her yogurt, "I do. It's been too long. I'm so glad I knocked some sense into your lifeless being."

"Y'know," Ally took a bite of her cookie dough toppings, "I'm glad you came all the way back to Miami just to do so."

"Hey, I also missed my best friend."

Ally smiled. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I know."

For once in this long while Ally felt a twinge of normality slowly regaining its way back into her life structure.

**xXx**

Austin was sick and tired of wearing Dez's clothes. He liked them on Dez, but he didn't necessarily like them on himself.

Goddamn he needs to go see Ally. First, because he misses her. Secondly, he needs to talk to her. Third of all, he needs his damn cologne and wallet chains back. Maybe a few pairs of his high tops and some skinny jeans too.

He couldn't forget his polo shirts either. Dez had said they were his favorite to see Austin wear.

He appreciated Dez for being by his side through this more than he could possibly express to him in words.

Man, did Austin love men.

Currently, he and Dez were situated on Dez's apartment carpet in his living room. They were surrounded by fluffy blankets and massive pillows, due to their failed fort making earlier. After all though, it did feel cozy.

Dez had his eyes glued to the TV screen. Ever since Austin started staying at his house, they both have been absolutely addicted to House Hunters.

Dez shoved another huge handful of popcorn into his mouth, "What do you think they'll pick?! This is crazy! I thought they were going with the blue shingled brick but now I'm thinking number two!"

The red-head was always a nervous wreck when it came to these decisions.

"Well they said they wanted a homey cozy feeling, Dez, all those windows in number two is a definite no-go. Three all the way."

Dez grabbed the bowl of popcorn out of Austins lap, "Fine. Have it your way."

Both sat now determined and anxious. That stupid house hunters show did that thing again where they're about to announce the owners choice house and then immediately went to commercial.

"Aw, I hate it when they do that." Dez was disappointed every time, "but I guess they gotta keep the viewers interested in the show."

Austin threw a piece of popcorn in the air and caught it in his mouth, "Wanna know what I'm interested in?"

Dez turned to him, "What, buddy?"

"You."

Dez cheeks turned a bit pink, "I think I am too, just a teensy-weensy bit."

"Woah, dude, you don't sound interested in me at all!" Austin acted as if he had been shot in the heart with sadness to dramatize the situation.

Dez turned his cheek to Austin, "Nope, never was, never will be."

"Is that so?"

"Yup." Dez popped the 'p'.

Austin scooted a little closer to him, before turning Dez's face to meet his.

"Not even when I," Austin stroked Dez's right cheek and leaned in, "do this?"

Austin kissed Dez awfully slowly but yet so hot and passionate. He could make Dez crack.

Dez turned his head away from Austin yet again, "Zero sparks."

Austin hummed, "Really, now?"

"One-hundred percent."

The blond accepted the challenge by climbing on top of Dez's leaned back body, and straddling him.

Austin wasted no time and began to place burning kisses along Dez's jaw, before making his way down to his neck, sucking on his sweet spots. When Austin licked and nibbled at the spot below Dez's ear Dez groaned and ground his hips into Austin's crotch. Both of the men were unbelievably turned on at the moment.

Just a moment before Dez was about to ravage Austin, however, House Hunters music blasted through the TV screen. It was back on.

Austin made no comments and slid off of Dez, returning to his original relaxed position, and began to munch on some popcorn again.

Dez was breathing heavily, and laid his head onto the couch behind him.

"I hate you." Dez managed to say.

"Yeah, love you too."

**xXx**

**LORD. how'd you like that? I am such a tease im sorry but I felt like full on fucking wasn't appropriate for this chapter. ha, so anyways I hope you enjoyed this, I have no idea how long it is so im hoping it's not too short or too long I dONT KNOW. But thanks again for reading!**

**reviews would be awesome :)**

**ps. talk to me anytime on Twitter; iconicaustins **


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